On a Shopping Trip for a Boy's Suit

I'm not much of a shopper. As in: I don't like to do it.

But last night we found ourselves on a quest to find some appropriate formal clothes for my son to don during various recitals, Christmas programs, church functions, photo ops and other happenings that are so common this time of year.

The problem is (and some of you know this): Finding a suit for a boy is nearly impossible. They grow so fast. They look dorky in those big clothes, and then all of a sudden the clothes are too small. It's just dorky. The other problem is the selection. My son is not going nightclubbing. What numb skull decided it was cute to have young boys dressed up like pimps? It's offensive. They're little boys for crying out loud.

I told my wife,

"I don't want him to look good when he finally grows into his suit. I want him to look good when we walk out of this store, and for the rest of the holidays."

I know. I'm going to be buying him another suit next year. I'll deal with it.

Here I'll admit a slight complex about clothes. I got to wear handmade shirts from my grandma when I was a kid. While I'm not complaining about that, I'll just say they were made with love, using the most up-to-date fabrics that the dry goods store in Depew, Oklahoma had to offer. A plaid or paisley (or both, God forbid) Butterick 4078 went nice with my brother's hand-me-down Toughskins Bell-Bottoms.

I'm just sayin.

Four stores and two hours later, we find something we're satisfied with. I let the boy choose everything after it goes through the parent filter. The wife and I are all,

"ok this one?...or...this one?...Are you sure? cuz, that's like kindof weird looking and stuff."

And he's all: "Ok, that one then." He's going along with whatever we say.

Like a nine year old boy would give a rat's pitooty. He'd think playing the piano recital in his Spiderman Halloween costume was the Utopian penultimate act to farting Jingle Bells.

I'm glad that's over.

Casinos and Christmas - The New Grinch that Stole Christmas

Here is an email I received from Stop Predatory Gambling:

During this season of peace and goodwill, schools, the post office and nearly all government offices will be closed on Christmas Day yet the government program of predatory gambling will be in full operation everywhere.

Why are casinos and lottery outlets allowed to remain open on Christmas? Because government - our government - wants money and is doing everything it can to get people to lose theirs.

Contact your State Gambling Board or Lottery Commission and tell them to shut down the government program of predatory gambling on Christmas Day. If you need contact information for your state, check out a list of State Gambling Boards and Lottery Commissions on our website.

After you contact your state gambling board, please get at least one other person from your family, friends or co-workers to do the same.

In Oklahoma you can contact:

Oklahoma Lottery
3817 North Santa Fe
Oklahoma City, OK 73112
Phone: (405) 522-7700
www.lottery.ok.gov
www.lottery.ok.gov

Oklahoma Office of State Finance
Gaming Compliance Unit
4545 N Lincoln
405.521.3766
405.521.2871 (fax)


On another note: I will pay any person $15 in exchange for the delivery to me of every $20 cash that you intend to spend on either gambling or lottery tickets, and a promise that you won't gamble away your remaining $15.

I'm saving you from losing the entire $20, and I charge a fee of $5 for my services.

I don't suspect I'll have any takers, so go ahead - lose it all.

I am, of course, only joking. Isn't that a silly offer? The point is, with my deal, two people win a little bit. However one choice is always (1 in 135,145,920 is always in my book) a loser.

Back from a Writing Seminar

I had the opportunity to attend a writing seminar given by Author William Bernhardt.

I was expecting it to be the typical sleepy seminar for Continuing Legal Education ("CLE") that I'm required to attend to maintain my certified paralegal credentials, but I was pleasantly surprised. Bernhardt was interesting and engaging. I always enjoy learning new things.

Here is some recommended reading that I took from the seminar:

Woe is I: A Grammophobes Guide to Better English

Origins of the Specious: Myths and Misconceptions of the English Language

As is the case in almost anything, I'm sure I will be able to put what I've learned today to use personally as well as professionally.

Although it might seem difficult to believe if you are a regular reader of my blog, I got an 85% on the pop grammar quiz.

Here are three of the questions I got right. Keep in mind there are special occasions where these commonly thought of "no-noes" are acceptable. Everything must be in its proper context:

YES - you CAN begin a sentence with a conjunction. And to prove that point, I will do it. The conjunction connects two sentences rather well.

YES - you CAN split infinitives.

Here's a famous split infinitive, that wouldn't work as well any other way:

to boldly go where no man has gone before

YES - you CAN end a sentence with a preposition:

Here is the famous Winston Churchill, criticizing his speech writer for criticizing the ending of a sentence with a preposition:

“This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.”

How ridiculous.

Grammar, although important, is one component of writing. Writing well both takes pratice and enthusiasm.

TMAPC - Member Spotlight - John Shivel

The other day, I spotlighted Tulsa Metropolitan Area Planning Commission ("TMAPC") member Michelle Cantrell. I was so impressed by her qualifications, I've listed them again at the bottom.

These group of volunteer individuals collectively get a bad rap, branded as being part of a build anything, anywhere rubber stamp for a development bloc/lobby hell bent on ruining every neighborhood in Tulsa. The naysayers would never put human faces on any these people.

But in my research, I've discovered how extremely talented these people are. Instead of vilifying this group of dedicated civic servants, we should be endeavoring to help them do their jobs - which is to serve as a recommending body to the City Council. That doesn't mean we have to agree with everything they do, and we should speak up when we don't agree. But when neighborhoods desire to give input, it should be free from the virtual pistol-whipping shenanigans of the naysayers, which has been proven time and time again as an ineffective way to solve problems.

This blog post highlights member John Shivel, II. TMAPC Term Expires 1/18/2012

John Shivel, II is a Retired Colonel in the United States Air Force. His extensive military experience began in 1966. He is a dedicated and decorated Veteran of Foreign War, serving in Viet Nam and the Persian Gulf War. He has extensive experience in electronics and avionics. His high tech avionics resume, standing on its own, is impressive. He was with IBM for 19 years.

Education:

BBA, Marketing, Boise State 1971
MBA, USC, 1973
MS, Marketing USC, 1973
Air Command Staff College, 1996
Air War College - Seminar, 2000

Promotions
First Lieutenant 1980
Captain 1982
Major 1991
Lt. Colonel 1998
Colonel 2004.
___________________________________________________


The first Board Member Spotlight is Michelle Cantrell:

Ms. Cantrell, whose term expires January 18, 2012, is graduated from Tulane University and NYU Law, and is an inactive member of the District of Columbia Bar. Ms. Cantrell was a volunteer for Maria Barnes City Council campaign. She is a Board Member of the Maple Ridge Neighborhood Association and a former board member of the Yorktown Neighborhood Association. She is the Secretary of the Coalition of Historic Neighborhood and a member of the Tulsa Global alliance.

Breaking News: Smaligo to Wright: "Methods Ineffective"

In a procedural sine qua non, Elizabeth Wright remains on the Tulsa Metropolitan Area Planning Commission. I will add to the blog as time permits throughout the day. But the indispensable quote of the hearing this morning was that from Commissioner John Smaligo, speaking directly to Ms. Wright's perception of herself as a neighborhood activist:

...Your methods have made your perspectives ineffective..."

The motion to relieve Liz Wright from her appointment as TMAPC Member for misconduct was on the floor, but lacked a second, so the motion failed. Smaligo found that the evidence failed to show a level of misconduct sufficient for removal, although Mr. Smailgo was quite adamant that if there was a procedure for reprimand, that it would be appropriate in this case.

Commissioner Perry voiced his intention to abstain early and refrained from making comments. However, after deferring to Smaligo for his comments, Mr. Perry added that he believes that broken rules were indeed cause for removal, but that the conflict of interest rules as written were too vague, as to require the Commission to be mind readers. He noted that even a reasonable person would have had trouble not seeing a conflict.

Commissioner Perry was referring to the conflict of interest rule that required the Board Member to ask:

...Do I think I would be unbiased and impartial?

The new rule clarifies this ambiguous rule:

1. The possibility, not the actuality, of a conflict of interest should govern. The question is, “Would a reasonable person believe me to be unbiased and impartial?”

Commissioner Perry stated that it may be the first time he's ever abstained from a vote going back to the beginning of his legislative career. Perry also commented directly to Ms. Wright:

...to state that you are the only Planning Commissioner looking out for neighborhoods is simply wrong.

All of the commissioners stated that they had personally witnessed many unprofessional occurrences.

Ms. Wright was 25 minutes late to the hearing.

My archive on the TMAPC is here.

TMAPC - What and Who, and Spotlight on Michelle Cantrell

The assertion that the TMAPC is made up of a "Development Bloc" is bogus, unsubstantiated and unprovable - as in not able to be proved. This post tells what the TMAPC does, and will spotlight its members. While it is true that there are some very experienced real estate people on the board, the board is more diverse than people are led to believe.

It is also true that one member, Gail Carnes has been on the Board since 1984.

The current members as of today are:

Appointee
Michelle Cantrell
Gail Carnes
Bill Leighty
Philip Marshall
Keith McArtor
John Shivel
John Dix
Joshua Walker
Elizabeth Wright
Dwain Midget
Mark Liotta

What is the Tulsa Metropolitan Area Planning Commission ("TMAPC")

The Tulsa Metropolitan Area Planning Commission is a quasi-judicial, recommending Okla. Stat. tit. 19 § 863, et seq. They are also responsible for adopting the Comprehensive Plan for the Tulsa metropolitan area, to be approved by the City Council and the County Commission. Their jurisdiction is the City of Tulsa, and all unincorporated areas of Tulsa County.

Here is the Mission Statement

The Mission of the Tulsa Metropolitan Area Planning Commission ("TMAPC") is to provide unbiased advice to the City Council and the County Commissioners on development and zoning matters, to provide a public forum that fosters public participation and transparency in land development and planning, to adopt and maintain a comprehensive plan for the metropolitan area, and to provide other planning, zoning and land division services that promote the harmonious development of the Tulsa Metropolitan Area and enhance and preserve the quality of life for the region’s current and future residents.

They are governed by their own policies and procedures and code of ethics. The regulations, statutes and the board's policies do not stand in isolation of each other, but work together as a whole, in determining the scope of their authority.

The board consists of:

Six appointed members selected by The Mayor, with the approval of the Tulsa City Council and one appointed member by each of the County Commissioners. The Mayor gets to appoint an ex-officio member, and the Chair of the County County Commission, or their designees, serve as ex-officio members. Total membership is Eleven. They are volunteers for terms of three years. Okla. Stat. tit. 19 § 863.5

The first Board Member Spotlight is Michelle Cantrell:

Ms. Cantrell, whose term expires January 18, 2012, is graduated from Tulane University and NYU Law, and is an inactive member of the District of Columbia Bar. Ms. Cantrell was a volunteer for Maria Barnes City Council campaign. She is a Board Member of the Maple Ridge Neighborhood Association and a former board member of the Yorktown Neighborhood Association. She is the Secretary of the Coalition of Historic Neighborhood and a member of the Tulsa Global alliance.

New Downtown Tulsa Eatery

I'm always happy when I see some new things going in downtown. Zorba's Greek Grill is at the Southeast corner of 6th street and Boston Ave.

My son and I were adventuring downtown yesterday, walking around noting all there is to see down there. I would take him to some of my secret places I found when I was a child. These places are not secret, but they were when I was a kid growing up. There is barely anything open in downtown Tulsa during holidays, so I was glad to see this place open. I was also glad to see that they had some business. While I was jibber-jabbing about all of these things, my son said: "It sounds like you want to go in there, so let's eat lunch. I laughed, and we went in.

We split this. It's a Gyro and Fries. Gyro is pronounced HEERO.

I had them put some Feta cheese on it, and it was tasty. The staff were very nice. It is a family business and you could tell because in between customers, the wife and cashier would feed her children. I think family businesses are cool. We sat in there a while eating and just experiencing the novelty of everything, and If there had been any hustle and bustle downtown, it would have seemed like we were being urban.

From our seats it looked like this.

I would wager that this place will make it. I hope it does. They have a diverse middle eastern menu, and they also serve hamburgers. There are seats for 20-30 people. So it will be fun in there when it gets busy. Just like a big city.

Before this place opened, I was actually thinking this location would make a great convenience/newsstand type store, but this works well also. I wish the owners well, and much success.

Blackeye Fridays - A Wal-Mart War Story

We're not Friday after Thanksgiving shoppers, so my wife and son have never witnessed the complete and total madness. I, being ex-Wal-Mart, have experienced the complete and total madness. I'm thankful we have chosen to forego what I call Blackeye Fridays.

To me, the retailers have misappropriated a perfectly good accounting term, in an effort to get you to buy something that will either:

1. Be re-gifted; or,
2. Bring less than a dollar at your next garage sale.

I know, its the thought that counts.

Here's a Wal-Mart War Story from the 80's:

It was Christmas Eve in central Indiana - I think 1988-89. We closed that night at 6:00 pm. This was just prior to the advent of the 24 hour grocery size Wal-Mart Supercenter. I was assigned to the busiest 65,000 sq. ft. store in the entire chain of 1000 plus stores (that's a smaller-medium sized store). Our store beat all but one store in the entire company in sales and profits, day in day out.

Having closed many Christmas Eves, I was determined to make this closing at 6:00 pm SHARP. That would be a departure from my soft hearted ways of the past, when people would look at me with those puppy dog eyes, and I would let them in "to get just one more thing, oh pleeeeeaaaase." all nice and sweet. There was always one person reaching for the door at closing time on holidays.

Every time I'd done that in the past, the cashiers would get so angry with me. They wanted to go home. For Christmas. I said I was making the store money, and besides they were just going to "get one more thing." In retrospect, these are two really bad reasons.

Anyway these people are liars. Those "puppy dog eyes" were starting the first leg of their Christmas shopping season. It would be at least another hour. Today was their Black Friday. They would end up with $300-400 worth of crap in their basket, and they usually got the entire store to themselves. I hope you never got any gifts from these people.

Seriously. Wal-Mart rarely has any saleable merchandise at 6:00pm on Christmas Eve. I mean it when I say crap.

These last minute shoppers were always grateful, but I wondered if they could look anyone in the eyes and call that music-box-leaking-snow-globe-with-one-foot-missing an actual Christmas gift. They bought whatever was left - the stuff we were going to mark down and throw away on December 26th.

Well, THIS particular Christmas Eve I was going to lock the doors. At 6:00 pm.

Because I knew what was going to happen I was actually thinking about doing the deed at 5:55 pm, and having somebody help me. I waited until 6:00, but I did have someone help me.

As tradition would have it, a gentlemen ran up to the door, just as the key was going into the last door to be locked. I bet it seemed like it was slow motion to him - just like the movies. Seeing him in advance, I made it snappy; the bolt went through the opposite pinned door just as this gentlemen grabbed the handle. It seemed like slow motion to me - just like in the movies.

The conversation, muffled through the safety glass went like this:

Him: Hey, I just need to get a couple of things for my kids (all nice and polite-like).

Me: Sorry, we close at 6:00 and its Christmas Eve.

Him: I'll only be a minute.

Me: We're closed.

Him, rattling the door a little: I need to get my son a bike.

Me: Unless your son likes girl's bikes, we're out.

Him: Well, let me take a look at what you have, and then I'll leave.

Me: I'm sorry, we're closed.

That wasn't so difficult to do. I've had similar conversations like that on non-holidays at closing time. I walked in from the foyer and my Customer Service Manager ("CSM") was smiling at me like I'd just done the right thing for all of humanity. I still felt a little uneasy about it.

Then I heard the pounding and shaking glass. I think the front 1/3rd of the store heard it - even over the Christmas Muzak.

This guy was determined to get in. I have always felt since that day, that he really was in a desperate situation. I've always supposed he was a crummy dad, divorced, never paid any attention to his kids, and he was trying to make amends. A common jerk, but trying at last to be decent. But ten minutes too late. The kids will hear how I am somehow to blame.

He shook the doors and pounded on the glass violently. I watched his his eyes change from determination, to anger. To extreme anger. He was turning into a Christmas Eve monster. Then he left briefly, only to pull his car up to the window and turn his bright lights on. He stood there at those windows, pounding and yelling violently. A few of us watched him from the second set of locked doors, one or two of the stockmen were laughing at him, which I suspect made it worse. Well, I wasn't about to let that guy in now.

CSM: You gonna call the cops?

Me: I don't think so, it's Christmas.

CSM: You better call the cops

Me: Just wait a couple more minutes.

It got worse for about a second or two, but then the guy, defeated and rejected, slumped away and got in his car and drove away.

I did what managers always do when a customer gets violent: Had a couple of stockmen stay until my closing work was done and we escorted each other to our cars.

I went home and sat in my comfy chair. As was my usual ritual on Christmas Eve in those days, I had a cold beer and thought about what a crummy holiday Christmas had become. That night I cried a little bit - it had been a particularly crummy Christmas Eve. That guy had gotten to me.

After that Christmas season, I started my long personal journey taking Christmas back.

Give Thanks, With a Grateful Heart

Today is a day when we can reflect on our history. Not only of our nation's history but also of our own personal histories, those days of sacrifice and want even in our own lives, that in some cases, may not be too far removed from the 1600's.

I'm sure hunger and want feels the same today as it did back then when the Pilgrim suffered through that hard winter. In that year of 1621, Edward Winslow said:

"Our harvest being gotten in, our governor sent four men on fowling, that so we might after a special manner rejoice together."

Finally they had enough to eat and they gave thanks, not because they had plenty but because they were going to survive that year.

Although, as is the case in many things politicians have adopted this holiday to deliver particular points of view. But Thanksgiving is at it's very essence, a holiday of Thanksgiving to God for mere survival. The wilds of nature and lack decimated those early settlers.

At the same time, for a dwindling number of our native countrymen, Thanksgiving is a day of mourning. The story of the Native American in this holiday is no less important than that of the Pilgrims. Many Native Americans fast on Thanksgiving, in remembrance their sacrifices. We must not forget, the Native Americans were never less spiritual than the pilgrims.

In 1622, Edward Winslow wrote the advice below. When you read Winslow's advice, understand it is given as instruction for continued survival, knowing now full well what it would take to survive:

"Be careful to have a very good bread-room to put your biscuits in. Let your cask for beer and water be iron-bound, for the first tier, if not more. Let not your meat be dry-salted; none can better do it than the sailors. Let your meal be so hard trod in your cask that you shall need an adz or hatchet to work it out with. Trust not too much on us for corn at this time, for by reason of this last company that came, depending wholly upon us, we shall have little enough till harvest. Be careful to come by some of your meal to spend by the way; it will much refresh you. Build your cabins as open as you can, and bring good store of clothes and bedding with you. Bring every man a musket or fowling-piece. Let your piece be long in the barrel, and fear not the weight of it, for most of our shooting is from stands. Bring juice of lemons, and take it fasting; it is of good use. For hot water, aniseed water is the best, but use it sparingly. If you bring anything for comfort in the country, butter or salad oil, or both, is very good. Our Indian corn, even the coarsest, maketh as pleasant meat as rice; therefore spare that, unless to spend by the way. Bring paper and linseed oil for your windows, with cotton yarn for your lamps. Let your shot be most for big fowls, and bring store of powder and shot. I forbear further to write for the present, hoping to see you by the next return. So I take my leave, commending you to the Lord for a safe conduct unto us."

As you enjoy your Thanksgiving, do so with a grateful heart, not only for your plenty if you are so fortunate, but in remembrance of the sacrifice and hardship endured by the those early settlers.

If you want to read more about our ancient history, go to the Pilgrim Hall Museum.

A Heartfelt Thank You to Teach For America Teachers In Tulsa

As a lifelong Tulsan, I want to thank the Teach for America Teachers, for their dedication and determination in the cause that they have endeavored to do: Teach in Tulsa's problem schools.

I believe that all of Tulsa thanks you, and whether they agree with the program or not, I'm sure they would agree that what you very bright young people are doing is to be commended.

So thank you for doing what you are doing. We have some great teachers and administrators in Tulsa, and we understand the dedication involved by you all is above and beyond.

Know this: You are changing lives.

I have many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for you all.

Related Tulsa World Story
And here.

Book of Virtues and A Lesson from George Washington on Civility

When I was a brand new parent, I went right out and got William Bennett's Book of Virtues.

As the subtitle aptly states, its a Treasury of Great Moral Stories.

I read parts of that book to my young boy several times a week even before he could understand. When he was 3 years old, he memorized the McGuffey's Primer poem

Work while you work,
play while you play,
one thing each time,
that is the way.
All that you do,
do with your might.
Things done by halves
are not done right.

the book is a great treasury of stories and poems on Responsibility, Courage, Compassion, Honesty, Friendship, Persistence and Faith. It is not conservative or liberal; it is a book of great value to everyone who reads through it. It is not a book of ideology, its a book on how to live, and the decent treatment of others. It is a good educational tool to be used, and helpful in raising a successful child to be an ethical adult.

Not long after those daily doses of reading to our child, we taught him to read, with the help of Starfall. The Book of Virtues went on the bookshelf, and in place of that came the less ethereal boyish tastes in literature.

Although our boy is 9, we still read to him. Last week, he brought the Book of Virtues to me to read to him again. He noted how worn it was and I reminded him how we used to read various stories in that book when he was a toddler. We sat at the top of the stairs on the floor and read a few short stories on perseverance.

The book now sits on my desk again. I was browsing through the other night reading various poems, when I encountered George Washington's list of civility rules, AKA, Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation, which is believed by some to trace back to a French etiquette manual.

Here are a few of the many (I note them because I feel these may be ones I need to think about.):

56th Associate yourself with Men of good Quality if you Esteem your own Reputation; for 'tis better to be alone than in bad Company.

58th Let your Conversation be without Malice or Envy, for 'tis a Sign of a Tractable and Commendable Nature: And in all Causes of Passion admit Reason to Govern.

61st Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grave and Learn'd Men nor very Difficult Questions or Subjects, among the Ignorant or things hard to be believed, Stuff not your Discourse with Sentences amongst your Betters nor Equals.

81st Be not Curious to Know the Affairs of Others neither approach those that Speak in Private.

86th In Disputes, be not So Desirous to Overcome as not to give Liberty to each one to deliver his Opinion and Submit to the Judgment of the Major Part especially if they are Judges of the Dispute.

87th Let thy carriage be such as becomes a Man Grave Settled and attentive to that which is spoken. Contradict not at every turn what others Say.

If you have a child, this is one of those must have books. It makes good reading for adults as well. There is nothing in this book that takes more that 20 minutes to read, which makes it a great bedtime book.

Breaking News: TMAPC / County Commissioner Update on Liz Wright

I attended the public hearing concerning the petition seeking Ms. Wright's removal as a TMAPC Commissioner today which began at 9:45 this morning and concluded just a few minutes before noon. The hearing has been continued until next Monday, 9:30 a.m. Room 119, at the Tulsa County Court House. At that time, a decision should be made. I don't think it's appropriate for me to air my thoughts out until after the hearing has concluded, and a decision has been made, except to say it was illuminating.

A portion of the testimony given was from statements made on the Internet, and I don't want to contribute to that.

All sides had ample time to speak, and although there were some minor procedural issues on how to move the hearing forward, it was fair. Ms. Wright was allowed far more time to speak than any of the other "witnesses" combined and she used it. No one actually spoke directly on her behalf, however two gentlemen stated their concern that a fair hearing be conducted. There were three witnesses in support of removal.

There was no kangaroo court. Mr. Smaligo did a fine job of making sure Ms. Wright has an ample and fair opportunity to address the issues (and she did), as well as affording time for the commissioners to review the record, which are the two reasons for the continuance. Terry Simonson did a good job of describing what the Commissioners could decide, and explaining the requisite elements for removal.

One technical issue that I should tell you about is that The County Commissioners agreed to strike allegation 3 of the petition, and also agreed to base the remainder of the allegations on the rules in place at the time of the incidents, not the April 22, 2009 amended rules. The April 22, 2009 rules are more specific than the broadly worded 2004 rules, but it was a good decision on the part of the Commission, deflecting the spurious and silly ex post facto angle.

I had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Wright, and sitting with her throughout the entire proceedings.

Some background on a TMAPC Commissioner: A TMAPC commissioner is a quasi-judicial function that approves / disapproves city development applications of various types.

In order for the TMAPC to have any credibility, a commissioner must be able to function independent of his or her beliefs - which is difficult to do - and they have to avoid even the appearance of a conflict of interest.